Little Willie
February 13, 2001
As all
the world well knows by now, the Clintons have departed from the
White House by discharging most of their remaining bodily fluids all over
that venerable edifice. Like many territorial animals, they seem to think
that if they stain an object with those fluids, they acquire ownership of
it.
So ends the most ethical
administration in our nations history, as Bill forecast his
would be. As for Hillary, she was the most ethical person I have
ever known, as Bill said in rebuttal to the charge that she was
a congenital liar.
Their unseemly exit has inspired the
greatest crisis of faith since Darwin assailed the book of Genesis.
Yesterdays Clinton apologists have become todays
Clinton-haters. Liberals, feminists, civil rights leaders, pundits, all have
been unloading on Bill and Hill.
Historians heatedly debate
who is the best ex-president, writes Margaret Carlson of
Time magazine, but if Clinton keeps it up, there may
soon be no argument over who is the worst. Until now, Miss Carlson
has been a pillar of support for the Clintons, even when Bill was perjuring
himself and using all the resources of the executive branch to obstruct
justice and slime his investigators. But notice that his presidency still
doesnt upset her; apparently he only went bad, in her eyes, when he
became an ex-president.
The New York Times has
furrowed its editorial brow over Clintons abuse of the pardoning
power to absolve cronies and criminals of their sins in return, as it would
appear, for political and financial support. How, asks the
Times, can this be prevented in the future?
Never mind the future,
Grey Lady. It could have been prevented this time. If Clinton had been
convicted and removed from office when it became clear to every clam in
Chesapeake Bay that he was a criminal, he would have been in no position
to keep befouling the presidency. But the Times was among
the many enlightened voices who sang in unison that perjury and
obstruction didnt rise to the level of impeachable
offenses for the man sworn to see that the laws of the United
States are faithfully executed.
But the Times, in
censuring Clinton, spares itself. This is typical of the new Clinton-haters.
Never has a criminal had so many willing accomplices. But now those
accomplices are acting innocent as they turn on their sometime Alpha
Male. Its rather as if Tessio, Clemenza, and the boys had
sanctimoniously repudiated Don Corleone at his funeral.
Senator Arlen Specter, a Pennsylvania
Republican who voted to acquit Bill, has now made the delicate suggestion
that he can still be impeached. It may be too late to abridge his
presidency, but Bill could still lose his pension and his hefty
ex-presidential expense account.
A fetching idea, but it aint
gonna happen. Maybe a congressional resolution of censure? That
wouldnt require lengthy hearings, wouldnt reverse
the results of an election (remember that one?), and
wouldnt allow Bill to pretend that he was saving the
Constitution if he tried, as a private citizen, to block it. A formal
censure would be an unprecedented rebuke for an unprecedented rascal.
There is another possibility. In the
age of heroes, people used to write biographies of our great
presidents formative years, full of legends, not necessarily factual
but at least edifying. Little George Washington had chopped down the
cherry tree and refused to lie about it. Young Abe Lincoln had walked miles
to reimburse a customer he had unintentionally shortchanged. In these
incidents young readers could see how the early years of presidents
foretold their integrity in high office.
In the same spirit, but a somewhat
different vein, how about Little Willie? This would be an account
of Bills early development in Arkansas. It could recount how he
learned to skip school, feign illness, cheat on his homework, charm
skeptical teachers, avert punishment, and blame classmates for his little
acts of theft and vandalism. It could relate that he was the first boy in
the third grade to own a deck of cards with naked women on them, which
he concealed by sticking them between the pages of his Bible. And got
away with everything.
Such a book might not display
scholarly rigor, but it would have the merit of symbolic truth. And who
would believe his denials?
Joseph Sobran
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