CAN ARNOLD MAKE THE DIFFERENCE?
August 12, 2003
by Joe Sobran
My first reaction to Arnold's announced candidacy
was, I imagine, a lot like yours. What a refreshing
novelty! What a grand joke on our politicians! What an
impudent deflation of the silly fiction that governing a
state like California is a form of skilled labor!
I hoped Arnold (you know which Arnold I mean) would
show up for his inauguration in the garb of Conan the
Barbarian. That would round out the joke perfectly.
For Arnold has made himself one of our great
national jokes -- a joke he enjoys as much as the rest of
us do. You may recall Hans and Franz, the wimpy would-be
Arnolds of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- one of that show's
great running skits, back in the days when it still knew
that odd characters are funnier than smut. Its funniest
moment was the night Arnold himself showed up
unexpectedly, causing Hans and Franz to collapse in
abject awe of their idol.
Then there was KINDERGARTEN COP, with Arnold
overmatched by a roomful of rioting five-year-olds. His
helpless fury at these little ones was a comic effect
worthy of W.C. Fields or Walter Matthau. And even in his
most violent films there are great laughs, thanks in part
to the Austrian accent that has made him the most
mimicked actor since Jack Nicholson's heyday.
Arnold arrived in this country with only his
fabulous muscles. He didn't speak English, his surname
would overload a marquee, and his father had been a Nazi
official -- not exactly the inside track to Hollywood
success. But he was also a roaring furnace of ambition.
Today he is rich, world-famous, and married to a
glamorous Kennedy girl. (He once told her mother, "Your
daughter has a nice butt." Having met the formidable Mrs.
Shriver myself, this is not the way I would have broken
the ice.)
Arnold loves America, and the feeling is mutual. He
arrived here during the 1968 presidential campaign;
Hubert Humphrey's liberalism reminded him of the squishy
democratic socialism he'd hated in his native Austria;
so, Hollywood and the Kennedys notwithstanding, he's been
a Republican ever since.
Now for some people, becoming a Republican is a step
in the right direction -- just as, I suppose, becoming an
Episcopalian would be an improvement over remaining a
cannibal. But one mustn't stop there.
Fervently as I admire him, Arnold is already making
me wince. The other day he said he wants to be governor
of California because the state has been good to him, and
he'd like to "give something back." You'd think joining
the public sector was a way of atoning for having made an
honest living in the private sector.
Does Arnold think becoming a parasite makes amends
for having been a producer? The state produces nothing;
it only takes from those who do produce. Arnold ought to
realize this, having paid millions in taxes. But he's
already calling for new state programs for kids. Hubert
Humphrey would warmly approve.
I'm always glad to shove a few bucks more into
Arnold's bulging pockets in free exchange for the
entertainment he provides. But if I were a Californian, I
wouldn't want to be taxed to support him or his pet
projects. Why does he think the Golden State is in such
financial trouble? Only government -- a system of
promising something for nothing, while the taxpayer gets
nothing for plenty -- could have reduced such a paradise
to its present shabbiness.
Yet the idea persists, particularly among the
Kennedys, that being on the government payroll is "public
service." If anyone should "give something back," it's
those who work for the state at the expense of others who
produce wealth.
Maybe Californians think Arnold can make government
"work." It would take more than epic musculature to do
that. It would take a miracle.
Or rather, government already "works." It does what
it's supposed to do, as distinct from what it promises to
do. It coerces. It forces some to pay others' way, and
calls this "service."
This may be the way the world works, but we
shouldn't delude ourselves that the state is anything but
organized force. You may argue that it's necessary or
inevitable, but don't confuse it with charity and
altruism. And don't think it can be turned into something
it can never be by putting Arnold in charge of it.
If he imagines he can do that, we may as well start
the Recall Arnold movement right now.
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